The Clown Princess of Crime
by Evelyn Rose Marks
Summary: Princess doesn't know her real name...or why her daddy became the Clown PRINCE of Crime...she just knows that she has to deal with it the best she can...and that's with a smile on her face!


**_Alright guys...I got bored and decided to write this...please don't kill me...I have never written the Joker before and I never planned to share any of the stuff I did write about him. I just feel he is another unbelievably awesome character that I couldn't hope to write as...but I figured I would share this with you guys anyway...if you like it, I will continue to post a series of one shots for you. I'm think Harley needs to be in the next one with Princess._**

**_Btw, that is her name...I thought it was a little ironic that Joker would have such a sweet pet name for his daughter, when he delights in beating the piss out of her. Also...I'm still trying to understand their dynamic, myself...so be gentle with their interaction with your reviews. This is all a new _****_experience for me :). Please Read and Review!_**

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><p><strong>Flu Season<strong>

With that bitch running back to the walking weed killer, Poison Ivy, that pretty much left me with the task of having to deal with the full brunt of my dad's wicked sense of humor all on my own. It came with the territory of being a Joker by blood...but there were times that it proved to be truly hazardous to your health. There was a main difference between Harley and myself though. Whereas that whipped bitch would never dare to raise a hand to my father, I was perfectly fine with beating his teeth in with a baseball bat.

I pulled my black jacket collar up so it would better shield my neck against the cold and continued inside to the Sionis Steal Mill. At least it would be warm inside. My body felt like it had been encased in ice the entire ride back from the city. Daddy dearest didn't usually involve me in many of his jobs. Not that he didn't want me involved in the family business...but more or less that he felt I was of more use to him when it came to helping him bust out of Arkham when need be. What good was I to him locked up in the cell next door? I told him we could tell each other killer knock-knock jokes to pass the time.

So tonight I got to spend the evening surveying dad's latest target...freezing my ass off on the rooftop across from the Ace Chemicals plant. I was cold, exhausted, and my body felt like someone had injected cement right into my bloodstream.

"You gonna report to the boss, kid?" One of the cronies asked.

"Fuck that...I'm going to take a shower and go to bed...you report to him."

I essentially knew that I was sending this guy to his death by referring him to the Joker without me accompanying him...but words could not justly describe how little I fucking cared at that moment. The only thing that interested me was the shower, my bed, and maybe some vicodin for the awful migraine I could sense coming on.

Leaving the goon, I made my way up the old wooden staircase to my father's office, and from there slowly to the door that would lead to a small set of rooms that were reserved for myself, him, and the bitch...whenever she decided to come crawling back. I got about halfway there when I had to stop so I could make the room stand still. God this headache was fucking murder...it almost felt as bad as when dad beamed me with a pipe three weeks ago. I stood still, worried I was going to throw up and nearly jumped twenty fucking feet when I realized my dad was sitting at his desk this whole time.

"Back so soon, princess?"

Don't let the term of endearment fool you...it was just a pet name that stuck. He called me princess when we were beating the living fuck out of one another too. From the sickly sweet smile, I could tell he was not in a good mood. The Joker rarely was, unless he had just seen the bat.

"I was gone for six hours, dad...not that I expected you to notice." my words trembled a bit and I realized I was shivering faintly.

"I expect that in that amount of time you have wonderful news to share with your dear old dad then!" He exclaimed, flamboyantly.

I just wanted to lay down and sleep...I didn't want to deal with an entire debriefing, it would take hours!

"You can ask the guy you sent with me...he saw the same things I did..."

The grin disappeared and turned to a a very dark glare...and I watched his emerald green eyes flash with anger as I turned my back on him and started making my way to my beloved bedroom. I had my hand around the doorknob when I felt a harsh pull of my hair and I was forcefully yanked away and brought to my knees. The agony of that moment caused everything to go white and my knees collided harshly with the ground.

"Fuck!" I cried out, unable to suppress a sick laugh as tears welled up in my green eyes. "Okay! Okay!"

"Princess...what happens when you disobey daddy? What does he do?"

The fucker still had a clump of my hair in his hand as he tried to pull me to my feet. I groaned in discomfort but forced myself to look him dead in the eye.

"He loses his temper...I'm sorry dad..."

He released my hair and I collapsed back onto the floor, rubbing my scalp. When someone else was in the room...he didn't smack me around as much...but now I was the only target close enough to aim at...and something told me he was in a bad enough mood to take complete advantage of that...and my news wouldn't make him any happier.

"Now did you do your homework?" He cackled darkly.

I leaned back against one of the legs of his desk and nodded. I felt too sick to move or fight him tonight. Tomorrow I would fucking dye his hair blonde to get my revenge, then leave for a couple days until he wasn't so...trigger happy.

"Eight patrols...two for each floor...they inner change every eight hours...all guards are made up to a T with bullet proof vests, thermal specs, and automatic weapons.. The automated security system is from Wayne Tech and a bitch to bypass...but with the right decryption algorithms...that...that should be the least of your worries."

I swallowed, feeling bile and the turkey sandwich I had for lunch rise up into my gullet momentarily...God I didn't want to puke in front of my dad. The Joker was many things...a caregiver was not one of them. Hell, it was a wonder I had survived for the past 18 years of my life...I suppose part of that was owed to Harley...and a big reason I was so fucking mad that she had abandoned me! Selfish cow!

He was watching me...but in a different way than he normally watched me. It was like he was dissecting me without any use of surgical equipment. Then again, dad was the King of improvising. Still...the look he was giving me had me in a state of unease. It was foreign to me.

"They..." I cleared my throat. "Have a store room filled with toxic chemicals...it will be like candy land for you...I didn't get to map out the inside of the plant-

He reached out for my face and I recoiled.

-I'm sorry!"

But he didn't smack me...or strike me...no...he just rested his ice cold hand on my forehead. Which I didn't realize up until now how absolutely wonderful that felt on my smoldering skin. I released a small sigh of relief and closed my eyes briefly. He didn't know how much I craved this kind of touch from him. How I yearned for us to have a moment or two a year where...he would just let me be his daughter.

I whimpered when he pulled his hand away and opened my eyes.

"Go to your room." He hissed, his features etched with disgust.

Frowning, I stood shakily and stumbled to the door. Everything felt so heavy around me right now...like the weight of the world was going to send me three feet under. When I pushed the dense wooden door open I stumbled forward and nearly landed on my face. _Nearly._ Two arms came around me from behind and supported me all the way to my bed, which was covered in schematics and papers. Dad tossed everything to the floor and pushed me to lay down on the lumpy mattress. My glassy eyes searched for his face and I smiled weakly at him.

"Don't get used to this..." he snarled. "But the job is tomorrow and you will be useless to me this way."

That was one of the kindest things dad has ever said to me...and without smacking me one too...we were making great progress. I cringed as my stomach rolled around inside me and closed my eyes. I just needed to sleep and I would be well on my way to recovery for dad's next scheme.

He left the room at that point, I could hear his footsteps go back out towards his office and my door creak to a close. I shivered weakly and pulled my jacket tighter around my person as I slowly drifted out of consciousness.

...

Someone was tugging at me... but I couldn't really tell if I was awake or not. I peered out from under my eyelids and saw a green vest staring back at me. Whoever this guy was he had great fashion sense. I groaned as I felt my arms being pulled from a slick and wet fabric and my shirt being pulled over my head.

"Heeeeyyyy..." I slurred weakly. "You haven't even bought me dinner yet, buddy."

My body weakly lagged against the man's form as he stripped me down to just my undergarments on the bed. I shivered and cried out softly. Why was it so cold in here? Where was I? I want my dad...my head spun as the man pushed me back down onto the bed and draped a light sheet over my body. Tears and sweat trickled down my face and I felt even worse realizing that my makeup was running. Oh well...Harley could fix it...if she ever came back….I hope she comes back…

...

My throat was on fire and I had an awful taste in my mouth. I could feel my eyes watering and when I forced them open, I was leaning over the edge of my bed. The guy that had stripped me naked was still here too. He had one hand on my hip to keep me from rolling off the bed and another to hold my head steady. I retched tiredly and began wheezing weakly...I just wanted to die.

"D-Da-addy..."

Bile burned my esophagus and it almost felt like acid was being forced down into my stomach. I shook as I was pulled back into the center of the bed and my head hit my pillow once more. I felt an arm drape over me gently and I burrowed closer to the warm form that was beside me. All I wanted was for the shaking to stop…just for a little…just…so I could…sleep…

...

I was being jostled around now...why couldn't this fucker just leave me the fuck alone!? All I wanted to do was sleep and every twenty minutes I had someone moving me from place to place!

"DOPEY!"

My head throbbed and I clutched the man that was carrying me in pain.

"Go to a pharmacy in Gotham and steal every flu remedy they have."

"...uh...seriously? "

"Did I stutter...should I give you a larger incentive? How about this? If you are not back in the next twenty minutes with medicine, I will remove your lower intestines and FEED IT TO MY DOGS! "

"N-no sir! I'm going! I'm going!"

There was a loud crash as well as stumbling footsteps that lead me to believe dad threw something heavy at someone. Oh well...at least it wasn't me. I peered around to see where I was being transported to...the smell of faint chemicals and urine led me to believe I was in the bathroom.

"Whadda ya...doin?" I rasped.

"Shut up."

My mouth snapped shut and I buried myself deeper into the stranger's chest. Normally I would have punched out any person that spoke to me like that...but I could just ask dad to kill him later...when I felt well enough to watch.

I was just about to fall back asleep when my body fell into an icy pit of Hell! My eyes snapped open and I felt a scream escape past my lips! I did my best to scramble out of the water that was splashing over my legs, stomach and arms…but no matter how hard I tried I just couldn't make any progress. It was only then that I realized that I had two hands holding me down in the tub. For a moment, I thought this guy was trying to drown me.

"Stop...SQUIRMING!" he snapped.

My body felt like it was going numb and I was certain my lips had gone from being crimson to being blue. On the plus side…I didn't feel so disoriented now...but that didn't mean I wasn't going to play it up. Soaking wet, I wrapped my arms around, who I now realized was, my dad. He stiffened tremendously, but he didn't push me off or back into the water. He actually put a hand on top of my head and let me stay wrapped around him. Wow, I was making more headway than Harley Quinn herself...she was going to be so pissed.

"Boss...I got everything I could-

-my daughter is NAKED in here you fucking dope! Drop the dam bag and get out of my sight!"

My head was resting against dad's stomach and I giggled stupidly as I heard his stomach growl and gurgle...God I was pathetic...but I couldn't help myself. He pulled me up a little more roughly than I would have preferred and wrapped a thin towel around my body.

"Why...are you doing this for me? " I whispered.

He didn't answer at first... so I asked him again. .. and again. .. until he finally had me back in my room. I wanted am answer. ..I felt that he at least owed me that much. I didn't ask him for much anyway. Finally, after no doubt grating on what little nerves he had, he faced me and smiled.

"Why? Because you are mine, princess...and I refuse to let you suffer at the hands of anyone but me. .."

I looked up at him as he spoke and smiled at him. This was as close to "I love you" as I would ever get. And I was just crazy enough to take it.

"I love you too daddy..."

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><p><strong><em>Hope you guys enjoyed this one-shot! Please Read and Review! (No flames)<em>**


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